12-24-2009

When all is said and done, you’re a part of me, that’s the way it was meant to be, people are brought together for a reason, everything happens for a reason, I believe the reason you and me were brought together was cause we complete each other, we fill in each others missing spaces, the empty holes, the blind spots, with love, and if someday god decided to tear us apart, I trust that there is a reason, cause if there’s a reason for love, there’s a reason for life beyond it.

we just wernt meant for each other, i had to cut myself off from you to realize it.

i look forward

Out of all the things I could do with you I look forward to sleeping with you the most. Not having sex but more than that – just sleeping in the same bed, you holding me in your arms and me falling asleep on your chest and waking up with you right next to me. That’s what I want. That’s what I look forward to.

and today you told me i was the first thing you thought about this morning. and you sent me a photo of the sun rise over a palm tree, it was one of the most beautiful things id ever seen. and i felt special because for once i was somebody's someone when they woke up. and i want you to know you were mine.

pain and avoidance

i woke up this morning and wanted to cry my eyes out. i played a song that made my mind spin and every thought of sadness awake in my body. there was pain in my stomach and i had to piss but avoided leaving my bed.

you came back.

this is the way you left me, i’m not pretending, no hope, no love, no glory, no happy ending.
this is the way that we loved, like it’s forever, then live the rest of our lives, but not together.


When people can walk away from you, let them walk. Don`t try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring for you, coming to see you, or staying attached to you. When people can walk away, let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.


Being lonely, being alone, for many people sucks. I get it, I get it, I get it. But still I have to say that yes, my belief is that being with somebody who makes you feel shitty or doesn’t honor the person you are is worse.


I wasn’t falling for you, I was falling for who I thought you were. I built you up way too high, and now it’s time for you to come down off that pedestal. I’ve seen who you truly are.

I wasn’t falling for you, I was falling for who I thought you were. I built you up way too high, and now it’s time for you to come down off that pedestal. I’ve seen who you truly are.

Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because he's choosing, every day, not to be with you.

i miss the seconds between our kisses.. when we looked at each other and smiled

There’s so much I wish for, but most of all, I wish you were here. It’s strange, but before I met you, I couldn’t remember the last time that I cried. Now, it seems that tears come easily to me… but you have a way of making my sorrows seem worthwhile, of explaining things in a way that lessens my ache. You are a treasure, a gift, and when we’re together again, I intend to hold you until my arms are weak, and I can do it no longer. My thoughts of you are sometimes the only things that keep me going.



You’re everything I’ve wanted. You’re beautiful. You’re reckless. And a little sad. You know it’s the sadness that got me right from the start. I wanted to make it go away, and for a time I thought I had. It’s pretty stupid, huh? You like the sadness. You cling to it, and in the end, it will be all you have.

flannel weather.

i drank coffee to late at night and now im wide awake and i know i have to wake really early and im not looking forward to it.

on the other hand maybe work will be good tomorrow who knows.

and lastly i miss him more than he knows and hes not even gone yet. my best friend today reminded me though that he was a different person with me. and by himself hes somebody different somebody not worth trusting or loving. somebody else.
so i must let him go.

im sad your leaving but im glad you'll be gone.

We can’t even look at each other. I turn away from you because I don’t want you to see the hurt in my eyes, and you turn away from me because you don’t want me to see that you still care. I know you do; you have to. We never wanted to leave each other. We just had to… we had to.



I’m gonna hold you for the last time. I’m gonna cry, but afraid to not let it show. This is the hardest way to say goodbye ‘cause as you walk away I’m feeling so alone. I don’t understand, you had to leave, and and I’m not a part of your plan. We both agreed, but now I regret there are so many thing I should have said.

I just, don’t feel comfortable being anyone’s girlfriend. I don’t actually feel comfortable being anyone’s anything.



Ok. I, like being on my own. I think relationships are messy and people’s feelings get hurt. Who needs it? We’re young, we live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world; might as well have fun while we can and, save the serious stuff for later.

I miss her smell and the way she tastes. It’s a mystery of human chemistry and I don’t understand it. Some people, as far as their senses are concerned, just feel like home.

I don’t know if you felt that or not.

But it felt like two people kissing after hours of thinking about it.

It felt like two people talking after nights of silence.

It felt like two people touching after weeks of being numb.

It felt like two people facing each other after months of looking away.

It felt like two people in love after years of being alone.

And it felt like two people meeting each other, after an entire lifetime of not meeting each other.

“ There is a heartwrenching listless feeling that comes and you wander through the day, half of a person. I feel like every time I love someone I give them a part of myself and when things end, I hobble around for a while, missing limbs or an eye, a victim in the the long war we call love.

you were my hurricane.

Send out the morning birds to sing of the damage
Now that the calm's returned, I know I can't manage
You're standing in my doorway, though he's asleep in my bed
The steady murmur, always in my head..

You're the finest thing that I've done, the hurricane I'll never outrun
I could wait around for the dust to still, but I don't believe that it ever will.

And since the roof fell in, I'll lean on what matters
Caught in the slightest wind, everything else unravels
You're standing in my doorway seven cities ago
The days are racing, but you come back too slow..

You're the finest thing that I've done, the hurricane I'll never outrun
I could wait around for the dust to still, but I don't believe that it ever will.

full of idea.

things i think are honest true and lovely.

i don't really think people can change. You know, at the end of the day, 
you are who you are and at the end of the day, its probably who you’ve always been.

No one knows what the result will be when two people meet, and no one knows when they fall in love if they will always be able to stay that way; but to feel that at all, even for a minute, to find love and connection in a world gone mad, in my book, those are the lucky ones. And if it can’t last forever, then the best they can hope for is the honesty to face up to it when it ends.

i guess the best part of being with you is that you don’t judge me. I can wake up in the morning, hair a mess, no make-up on & you still tell me I’m the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen.

the best moments in reading are when you come across something, a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things that you’d thought special, particular to you. And here it is, set down by someone else, a person you’ve never met, maybe even someone long dead. And it’s as if a hand has come out and taken yours.

willing 4 beer. $

its funny how you barly knew me back in high school. and still to this day you chose to judge me yet you dont even know who i am. 

continue to poorly talk about people you dont know. it doesnt affect me nor do i care. i guess its a complement that you know of me, and if by chance i meet you here in the near future again i will most likely be very polite and mature and treat you with respect even though i dont need to its just the kind of person i really am. 

this week

I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU FEEL THIS WEEK, AS LONG AS YOU DON’T FEEL NOTHING. GET INFLAMED WITH HUNGER OR SADNESS OR LOVE, BUT DON’T SUBMIT TO APATHY. DON’T LET YOURSELF BE SHUNTED INTO NUMBNESS. YOU CAN’T AFFORD TO BE CUT OFF FROM THE SOURCE OF YOUR SECRET SELF, EVEN IF IT MEANS HAVING TO FEEL LIKE HELL FOR AWHILE. AND THE ODD THING IS THAT IF YOU’RE WILLING TO GO THROUGH HELL, YOU WON’T HAVE TO GO THROUGH HELL. SO TO HELL WITH YOUR POKER FACE. BE A WILD THING, NOT A MILD THING.